Each year across the globe resolutions are made, promises to ourselves to change the way we do things but so often, by the end of January, some of those resolutions have been put in place while others have melted away like the excitement of a bargain at the Boxing Day sales. When it comes to relationships, promises we make ourselves to do things differently are honoured more in the breach than the observance. The emotional and financial stresses and strains of the festive season take their toll and a decision to part ways brings with it its own unique set of stressors.
The more things change the more they stay the same.”
My advice for getting through this set of circumstances which, whilst not unique in society, is unique to you, would be this:
Follow these five Family Law Resolutions:
Take five minutes to take on board the following five tips for navigating your way through what’s likely to be the most stressful and painful experience of your adult life.
Let’s deal with the family law don’ts first:
#1 Don’t seek legal advice from family, friends, colleagues or even law enforcement folks. It’s our natural tendency. Human nature being what it is, our closest family and friends will want to share their view on how you should approach the legal and other aspects of your separation. Family law applies differently to every unique situation and it’s better to avoid confusion and more importantly unrealistic expectations by seeking expert legal advice at the outset.
#2 Don’t go to social media to air your grievances, highs and lows during divorce, parenting or other aspects of relationship breakdown. Don’t. Just don’t.
And now for the family law “do” list:
#3 – Do picture clearly how you want to feel and be perceived not only at the end of your breakup, but when children are involved, when those children reach their significant milestones. High school graduation, university graduation, engagements, weddings, the birth of grandchildren?
Keeping this focus in mind always, together, you and your family lawyer will be able to determine the best legal strategies for your case to help you achieve this goal with the minimum of bitterness. Maintain clear sight of your goals and revisit them frequently, to make sure both you and your family lawyer stay on track. Keep it civil, keep it classy.
#4 Do Work on improving your communication skills to get through the separation process.
Well hello Captain Obvious! Effective communication among parties involved in relationship breakdown is critical. I understand sometimes it can be overwhelmingly difficult to stay focussed, especially when children are involved, but do yourself (and your family lawyer) a favour by remaining civil. Yes, especially to your former partner. Never forget you were in love once. Be completely open with your family lawyer and don’t make assumptions about what your family lawyer does and doesn’t need to know. We don’t like surprises.
#5 – Do focus on self-care when going through a divorce. When you engage an expert family lawyer your problems become their problems. The family lawyer loses sleep worrying about your case while you might just get some rest for the first time in months. Take notice, get exercise, focus on relaxation, learn to meditate and seek help from a local therapist specializing in family domestic problems.
At the end of the day, you want to be well, stay well, eat well, and when the time comes, once again, love well.